Top Ten Day Trading Tips

The New York Times recently reported that big Wall Street brokerages such as the Charles Schwab Corporation are beginning to actively court once-maligned day traders. Such high exposure will undoubtedly push day trading into the mainstream (and lucrative transaction fees into the firms' coffers). But before you get started, check out our top ten tips for day traders:

1 Speed is important. Shoot for trading the entire NASDAQ index before lunch.

2 Consider alternative financing. Don't overlook college funds, credit cards, and crime as ready sources of investing cash.

3 Place firearms out of reach. 'Nuff said.

4 Good information can come from anywhere. A chat-room tip from a stranger--especially when it's in all capital letters and followed by four exclamation points--can be worth millions.

5 Diversify your holdings. Put your life savings in another stock every five minutes.

6 Take out a home-improvement loan and invest it. You'll make more money that way.

7 Don't tell anyone that you're day trading. Especially your wife.

8 Don't neglect personal hygiene. Bathe at least once a month. Twice if you're trading Rambus.

9 Don't forget to have fun. Hit the message boards and post "Let's short this *#$*!% stock" on all the day's big gainers.

10 Be daring. Bankruptcy is a learning experience.